Girlfriend 'Terry' just called. OMG she says- "I'm sooo mixed up about Tim."
Tim is a her fwb guy. The've been meeting up about once a week for months. She's not in a relationship and neither was he. Her news? She's jealous, really jealous. Evidently after a perfectly great romp Tim tells her about this great woman he met and had a few dates with and that very night he was making plans to take this new love interest out- somewhere special.
I warned her. Fwb's are not. It all works until one of decides that you have more invested than the other. The investment you cannot have is emotion. That has to stay out of the mix, completely and utterly. Which is almost impossible since one of you will be bitten and the mere fact she is jealous is a very bad sign.
"Maybe he's full of shit and is just trying to get a rise out of you," I tell her. We all know how to play that jealousy card. Women more than men but maybe he is send a message so he can feel it out. I did see No Strings Attached...
"No, it's true. I know the woman he asked out."
"Okay, so do you have feelings for him?"
There is dead silence on the phone. So I have my answer. There is no such thing as fwb's.
She is really bothered. "What am I going to do?"
I haven't the slightest idea I tell her. And I mean it. What can I say? So I tell her to stop sleeping with him. Give him up for a while.
"I can't do that!"
We are in more of a fix than I expected. But she has to. There is no win in this unless she gives him up. And she has to do it abruptly. So I tell her to tell him she has been seeing someone too and she'd like to cool it for a while. Let him make the next move.
So here is the question- can we actually have Fwb's? In the long term- no. Let's call it what it is- someone you screw that you think you could never emotionally attach to. You hook up for sex, to have some warm body in your bed at night, to make you feel good about yourself or to avoid commitment. In which case you better be really sure nothing, and I mean nothing could make you interested in this person for anything else. But then you have to worry that they might not see it this way.
So she says, "in that movie No strings Attached, he did fall for her....and they were fwb's...
Yeah, but he did because she was unavailable- she was completely emotionally unavailable. Turn on your inner bitch because the way I see it you are his booty call and nothing else. He's had your booty for a while and never thought to take you out to dinner!
There was silence. I'll let you know how it turns out....