Sex and Love 100

Musings on the most basic life skill . . .

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Do Men Love as Much As Women?

What exactly is love?
     Are you aware that for most researchers love was considered a new invention? Lisa Diamond, an eminent theorist in the literature on love points out that ”no definitive test of true love exists” (Diamond 2004).   It’s much easier to measure how much sex we have, think about, masturbation rates and desires. 
     But there is love! In the largest study of its kind William Jankowiak titled his bookRomantic Passion: A Universal Experience?  Quite appropriately.  After examining 166 societies he concluded that at least 89% experienced heartfelt passion and excitement which we call love.  From small islands in the ocean, to the Amazon, the Arctic north, almost all people experience passionate love.
It was Helen Fisher and Art Aron and Lucy Brown that mapped the brain in love.  Yes, both men and women’s brains look exactly the same when in love: like a drug addicted brain. 
The big question is do we act the same?  Yes we do!  Men and women feel the same and have the same desires and hopes. Gay, straight, love bites all of us!
     So what is love? Lovers intensely focus their attention on one another at the expense of other relationships or tasks, exaggerate their positive qualities and ignore the negative, work to win their approval with increased energy often pay particular attention to the moods and dispositions of their lovers or any cue or clue they can grapple with to feed the flame of love, experience euphoria when it is fed but mood swings and depression if it is not or the lover is away from them, depressed when love is not returned or love leaves.  They have intrusive thoughts of the other person and think about their love object endlessly.  They were jealous, protective, and seemingly faithful. Two interesting findings emerged; passionate love required sex and sex with only the love object was desired.   For men and women faithfulness is a priority.  Does that make you feel good?
     I have a shocker- Do you believe in love at first sight?  More men do!  In 2002 it was found that men, not women were quicker to fall in love and to love at first sight as compared to women  (Brantley, Knox, Zusman;  Kanin, Davidson and Scheck 1970)  In other studies men report more romantic idealizations than women (Sharp and Ganong 2000).  The next shocker- men as opposed to women suffer more when love goes astray (suicide, depression health issues)and report much more jealousy (Buss, 2000).  Women don’t come to family court with handguns.  And you might have thought men can’t love.
So if men love so much why the hell do they have problems with commitment? You’ll have to wait….


  1. Love at first sight? It happens to more men. Is it because men put attention toward attractiveness? Unfortunately, I have never experienced it. I want to know what kind of person he is before I fall in love. But I want to know more about him because I like him?
    I still remember when I first wished to get marry my husband. I said to him "I want to know more about you.(with my poor English)" I expected that he was going to tell me about his hobby, favorite food and so on. But he said "ok" and "I was born in 1981..." so he told me his history. I was a little bit surprised and felt his faithfulness.
    In my country, some people say that a woman should not marry to a men whose ex-wife passed away because he will never forget his ex wife.

  2. Hmmmm.. So why do men believe in love at first sight more than women? Do men believe attractiveness are more important than personality or is it because men can't stand to be alone. I was in a situation where I thought the girl in the opposite room of me was going to be the love of my life but was I wrong. She was very attractive but her personality was a major turn-off, which ended the relationship. From this day on, I never judged a girl by how good looking she was but rather how compatible she is with me. Sometimes we can't really judge a person by just their looks but how well you match up with the person instead.

  3. Of course men love differently then women. We go about everything else in different ways, why would love be any different. Love at first sight is not reality, yes people may think someone is drop dead beautiful. There is more to love than just looks. I have never been in love, but love to me is the completeness one gets from the other. Men are afraid of commitment if they have reason to be afraid. Women can also be afraid as well. Maybe someone hurt them in the past, or maybe they have unsolved issues that they do not want to bring other people into. Someone has to be willing to love, love cannot be forced.

  4. I dont know who loves more. I have been in relationships and have friends in relationships and in both situtations someone has always cared more then the other. It is not up to statistics to measure who loves more. It all depends on the particular relationship.

  5. wow this is goood to know before reading this article i thought that women loved more than men atleast that how its seem in 2011. But this was good

  6. I dont know if i want to accept that men fall in love faster than women. Through what ive seen in couples there are some quick to love men and women.Girl breaks it off with a guy and they guy sends the "i miss you" or "give me another chance" texts and vis-versa. Although men do veiw looks as a high priority being attrated to a women is not love.

  7. From a womans point of view, I do feel that men love just the same as women but I think men do not really know how to show it as well as women do. I think some men hide a lot of their emotions, especially when it comes to love due to their masculinity.
    I also believe that men do suffer more than women from break ups from what I have seen in past!

  8. I can completely agree that men think they experience love at first sight. Not to say that men are more shallow than women, but I think that most men, especially younger men, seek out the most visually attractive mate and consider their attraction to be love.

  9. Im not sure but i do know that men do love just as much as women. in my experiences and with seeing the effects that women have on men, men show as much caring if they truly are in love, they unknowingly change a little in there priorities for example if a man was single his priorities would more likely be self centered but i have noticed that when a man finds a women he truly feels connected with the priorities shift to make sure she is happy even if it means putting him self second. I have seen this in my own life with my new dad, he puts up with my mothers some time nonsense and he would do anything to make her happy. and to respect as the love at first sight men do believe in this i agree. to use a example from my life my dad fell in love with my mom despite the fact she was single with two kids and divorced his love as immediate. What I have learned from the man I now call my dad and has earned him a place in my life forever ,it is what true love is, I see it every day in the way how he interacts with my mother. and i do believe love can do amazing things and affects men and women equally

  10. I believe that men love more than women. Even though we might hide our emotions a lot better then women do, its not because we dont care, its because either A: we dont know how to show it in a reasonable way, or B: we're afraid of what you might think. From experience with relationships, requardless of who breaks up with who, women usually gets her "shit together" and move on a lot faster then men do. We might sometimes play it off like its not a big deal or we're not hurt, but deep down we are.