Sex and Love 100

Musings on the most basic life skill . . .

Sunday, January 29, 2012

To The Moms out There....Sex and Children!

Sex and Children

     Without sex, no children; with children, no sex.  It’s a common reality; romance seems to fade out of the picture. Your once lofty bed, that place of heated passionate interludes, is now home to diapers, wipes, and baby accessories.  What’s that long thing with the rubber tip you feel under your thigh?  A bottle. 
      Most marriages decline after the birth of a child.  Both partners report less sex, romance, communication, and worse—stress.  We all know this, yet we’re so tired, feeling yucky and stressed that something has to give.  Sex can sneak right out the door if you don’t watch it, which is a recipe for disaster.  Want to know how to get rid of a man?  Stop having sex with him.   
      Nature didn’t intend it to be this way.  Did you know that a little gift following pregnancy is an ability to twitch out an orgasm quite efficiently?  While your body was creating all sorts of vascular hook-ups to nourish your baby, it sent some to the organs that control blood flow to your genitalia.           Have you ever seen a pregnant woman’s genitals?  What a shock!  Instead of that pink tulip you might be sporting the lips of an elephant -wearing lipstick. Our gorilla male cousins liked this sort of thing.  In fact, when they mate they rely on those red bulging labia as a signal that the female is in heat.       Although you might look like you came out of Animal Kingdom those swellings might make caveman a little more excited.  And unlike your animal cousin who doesn’t have sex after her egg swallowed the sperm, you have the ability to knock out dozens of orgasms.
      After pregnancy that vascular system finds itself more efficient.  Those blood vessels have been stretched out like a pair of pantyhose and they will fill up quite nicely.  If you were a cavewoman you’d have another great benefit.  You’d be breast feeding.  Quickly your belly would disappear and although you would have less time to engage in sex with your hands full, you’d have more time since you would not be menstruating.  Did you know, fully breastfeeding women usually do not menstruate or produce eggs?  Your body realizes you are raising young; best of all, your brain is dripping neurotransmitters to keep you cool, calm and collected—the three C’s.  Your sex motor runs best under CCC.   But cavemother had a lot less to do.  Yes, I say less because their social system was a lot different.  She had other women to rely on, including cavemom and cave sisters.  She did not have ready herself every morning and drive 30 miles to a job, drop off baby on the way and cook and plan a meal after her day was done.  And when caveman came home she had no shame in leaving baby next to her sleeping while she adored caveman.  You’re shocked?  Nanook did not build two igloos.  Our ancestors slept with their children and mated with their children in close proximity. 
       So there you are with an ear turned towards the baby monitor trying to be amouous after working, cleaning, cooking and taking care of everyone.  Nothing like the scream of an infant to snap back those swollen labia. So what’s a mother to do?
       Some say you should schedule sex.  I was the mother of 5 (now making babies of their own) and I never resorted to a datebook, but whatever works….
       I can suggest this.  My mantra was always marriage comes first.  My younger brain anticipated the sight of sleeping children.  It meant opportunity.  Put the mop in the corner.  Despite, dishes in the sink, washloads, or children’s activities, sex or romance topped the list.  I say romance, because romance is the lube of sex—at least for women.  The best part is that it can be banked, like money, and it grows interest.  A candle lit dinner, sharing a bottle of wine or simply watching a great flick can turn on the mood: we all know what that vibe leads to. 
Dr. Dawn Marlena Hopper

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Faking Orgasms- Enter at your own risk!

     Research tells us that 50% of all women fake orgasms.   Personally, I think these women are lying- there isn’t a woman alive who has not faked it.  No one wants to admit they are not ‘in touch’ with their vagina’s.  There is a sure way to drive a man away; stop having sex with him or make him feel you don’t want it.  Men love hot and horny women, who want them.  Do you think there is market for porn where women just lay there, then tell the guy how bad he was in the sack?
     Research tells us women fake for a variety of reasons.  The most popular is to end it, preserve his self-esteem, or because we were not aiming for the big O anyway.   We fake it because we have sex for many different motives  (I’ll blog about this later).  We fake it, because we can.  Men can’t.  There is only one time when women do not fake it- when they are doing it alone.
     There is hardly any research on women and orgasms because no one cares whether you have one or not.  If 50% of men missed their ‘O’ we’d declare a national crises--level red. Wait!  I know what we’d really do.  We would come up with a medicine he could take.  He could take a pill when he’s not in the mood, has limp-willy syndrome; which usually happens when men are old, tired, under stress or medically unfit.  The pill would cause his penis to swell and accompany an urge to rupture like a volcano.  He'll  feel 15 again, only without the pimples. He will need a partner.  I see him now, searching the house for poor wifey; he finds her either in the laundry room folding  or scrubbing dishes in the kitchen sink.  “Look what I have for you!” he exclaims. She looks and realizes she has her third chore of the night.
     Okay, I’m exaggerating.  When I see that Viagra commercial I want to vomit.  All I can think of is the elderly women with hip issues, rivaling what my German Shepard went through, spread eagle, or worse, on all fours, in service.  When I’m eighty with brittle bone disease the last thing I want is a few extra hundred pounds laying on me.  Don’t people know that the sex urge needs to decline?  At that time when your spine has stenosis or that shoulder is frozen, nature knows that the penis or vagina should get a rest too.  Maybe rocking back and forth might be best accomplished on the front porch.
     I remember a recent night of passion.  My husband began howling.  I looked up at him, grimacing.     “Oh my God,”  he yelled.  “My leg has a charley horse.”  My ride was over. Now for TMI but you can skip this (or know that maybe it's just humor.)
     Oh sure, I still love sex. But not every day.  I figure that for the first 15 years of blissful union Hubby had 5,250 orgasms (that I knew about).   I was a winner too, at least three fourths of the time.  But for the last five years he’s gotten at least 875 frequent  flyer miles to my 434.5.  There is a half orgasm in there, probably from the time I couldn’t concentrate because the headboard decided to detach from the bedframe and I had to hold it steady for fifteen minutes.  Or maybe it’s from when my grandson appeared at the bed asking, “can I have a horsey ride too?”  Anyhow, that’s 50% of the time which makes me part of the female statistic.  At this rate, which I have calculated, at 70  I can expect to run out of orgasms.  Two weeks ago my gynecologist told me my ovaries felt like raisins.  He did not give me hope.
     But my husband did.  “What would you do if I couldn’t preform anymore,” he asks me one evening after one of those pill commercials.  This is the commercial where they tell the couple that the pill works any moment he desires it to take effect.  I think, "How about never?  Is that a prefect time?"  I decided to answer him.  I tell him that his perfect, wonderful, satisfying buddy,  will never stop working.  I had to say that;  because I love him, and I'm not hopeful. 
“You’d go and find someone else to get satisfaction,” he mutters. 
“No honey, that would never happen.”  Then I think to myself, what planet is he on?  When my husband’s dick dies I am going to bury it.  Yes I’ll put up a tombstone and memorialize it, but there wouldn’t be a prayer in hell that I would give it mouth to mouth recessitation even, if it were taking its last breath.
     Then, I decide to make him feel good about our accomplishments. “Honey, we have broken the Guinness World Book of records for screwing.”  I’ve never met anyone else who had sex in the hospital after their caesarean section.  Well, maybe the Duggars have us beat.  I owe it to him to inflate his worth. “You are the Jack LaLane of machismo, of bravado, and you are just going to be fine.”
He sighs. “It’s just that you are such a highly sexual woman, so responsive and sexy….you are every mans dream…so  I wonder how I could every satisfy you forever.”
     The poor man is worried.  All because my vagina had been speaking in double talk!  I brought it on myself.  The academy award winning performances, in prefect character,  vocalizing impeccably; those words, sounds and movements, had bitten me back.  I had convinced him that I was the perfect partner; a $5000 hooker who could cook, clean and stay faithful to one John.  Should I tell him about my counterfeit orgasms?
     Instead I demurely inquire,  “Am I really the prefect partner?”
He says just the right thing.  “Sweetheart, I can’t stop thinking about you...sometimes.. .and I just love to touch you…” He cupped my hand and brought it to his lips.  I couldn’t help looking into his deep blue eyes or reaching for his arm.  He does have the strongest arms.  He kisses so perfectly, light kisses that begin on my lips and go up my face.  Thank God, those raisins must have has some juice left.
      Like most women I could have been perfectly happy to be adored that night.  Men don’t get the fact that we don’t need the orgasm fairy every time our heads hit the pillow.  But that night she didn’t have to pull any teeth…    Dr. Dawn M. Hopper

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Worth the Wait- miniblog

A tiny tip- (miniblog)
Playing hard to get works, for both men and women. "Easy" implies a lot: you are not discreet, not choosy, got one thing on your mind, you do not require work, you do not require anyone puts effort into your needs. . . It takes weeks to get the most beautiful flowers in my garden to grow, but the weeds shoot up in 24 hours; the more effort we put into something, the more we tend to value it- it's called effort justification (a psychological principle).  We want what we can't have (the forbidden toy), another principle.  Last, the double standard will always exist; men don't look for wives in strip clubs. Make a "so many date" rule. 

Dr. Dawn Marlena Hopper

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Does it measure up? Please be Happy with the Penis in your Life!

Men are more centered on physical appearance than women.  It would be a great world if men were okay with little boobies, a flabby stomach or hairy legs.  But they are the motor that we drive to plastic surgeons, hair removers or gyms.  But, that centering has bitten them back.  They are just as critical when it comes to their appearance!
           
            In the largest (and most valid) study of its kind, over 25,000 men were asked to rate the size of their organ (when on high): 66% said they were average, 22% said they were large, and 12% stated they were small. But the researchers found a whopping 55% of American men were dissatisfied with the size of their equipment!  They wanted a bigger one!  Well, there were about three chaps who thought they could be smaller, but the men tended to be quite unhappy with the size of their tools, even rating themselves less attractive; facially and body-wise. 
          While these 55% were complaining, 84% of the women (nearly 25,000 of them), were perfectly happy with their partner’s penis size.  Other research tells us that those 16% might be more interested in girth rather than length. The scientific moral is that women truly don’t care.  Pause for a moment; let’s get a true picture of a real penis—I mean in size—erect, ready to work, on paper. . . . 
          What is the normal?  
          The average length of the average penis (in America!) is 5.3 inches or 13.5 centimeters if you really need to pull out the scientific tape-measure.    
68% of all men measure between 4.6 and 6.0 inches.
13.5% measure between 3.8 and 4.4 inches.
Another 13.5% measure between 6.1 and 6.8 inches.
Only 2.5% are larger than 6.9 inches or below 3.7 inches. 
          For students who have taken a basic statistics class you should note that most men are normal.
          Very big men, as in obesity, tend to have smaller penises.  Big men have the problem that their penises look petite when on their massive bodies, kind of like nestled in needle in their haystack.    Height is the only predictor and as the mother of a near 7 foot tall son, who I diapered, I believe this statistic.  No, hand size or shoe size is not a predictor. That was my mother's theory which freaked me out when I was 14 and knew my mother's shoe size. Yuk! I called her today and told her she was wrong, about something.
          Can you make it bigger? The promise of growing longer and bigger penises is a billion dollar industry.  The phallus fairy grandfather is a myth, you got what you got.  And nothing can change it!  But it doesn’t matter!  The truth is we women don’t really care.  We are simply not that into your buddy, unless of course it is part of that person we care about.  You don’t believe me?  Huh!  Remember that famous movie scene when the chick is being interviewed for the crime and she crosses her legs revealing her pleasure patch???  Try exposing your stiffy to a woman and see what happens.  Women aren’t lining up to see men flash them in parks; women don’t put secret cameras in men’s bathrooms or locker rooms!
          Do you know our ancestors walked around naked? Just which man would your cave grandmother prefer; the one with the kielbasa sized sausage or the one who could shoot an arrow and knock down a kill in one shot? 
          Why do we get sucked up (No pun intended) into this dilemma? The media, the media the media.  There is no market for digital press with men owning pinky sized weeines.  But then again there is no market for fifty five year old women either.  Somehow the big dong has been sexualized and you have gotten the message.  Giant penises slapping buttocks all the while she moans and screams.  Supposedly in delight.  Another Ha!  That actress needs to have health insurance.  There isn’t a woman alive who wants to be pounded by some mega dong, on all fours, for a half hour.  Please don’t email me if you think you know her; I’m only going to recommend she have her kidney’s x-rayed for bruising.
          Finally the most important message.  The size of the tool, the mass of the ship, or the height of the flag- DOES NOT MATTER!  Women want a partner who cares about her orgasm.  Most women are clitorally stimulated; it has little to do with the vagina. Your job is to make your little buddy her favorite play toy.  Therefore being a tender, considerate and devoted lover trumps everything. And by the way, when we love you, we love whatever accessories you come with!   

Dr. Dawn Marelan Hopper
For more information: Does size matter? Men's and women's views on penis size across the lifespan. Lever, Janet;Frederick, David A.;Peplau, Letitia Anne
Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 7(3), Jul 2006, 129-143. doi: 10.1037/1524-9220.7.3.129