Showing posts with label sex education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex education. Show all posts
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Happy Valentines Day- Can you Please Penis and Clitoris up?
What? What the hell is that about? My girlfriend told me she wanted one thing for her Valentine's day present. It was not a ring, a piece of jewelry, flowers or chocolates. In fact it is free. She asked me to write this and she is going to set it under his pillow.
First, only 20% of all women can orgasm without clitoral stimulation. I think is a hell of a lot more but since we are all supposed to be orgasmic and amateur porn stars ready to go for that great guy, few want to fess up to their need for some FOREPLAY. What is FOREPLAY? I actually heard this once while giving a sex lecture -" Four minutes of sexual play before penetration." Blame it on porn- the absolutely worst training material- but that will be another blog!
So what does girlfriend want from her husband? A warm bath, bubbles, a massage, a bottle of wine, to sit face to face naked and talk about love for a full five minutes, no touching, to kiss for a whole five minutes without tongues, then another five minutes with tongues, and then she wants him to ask her one question. "What can I do to make you happy? - Show me"
She tells me this story and I all-of-sudden- get something really big- she cannot bring herself to tell this man! Is she alone? Hardly. Many many women stay silent. Research tells us they do this for many reasons; sex guilt, embarrassment, afraid they are abnormal or will be viewed as abnormal, they don't want to be demanded, hurt his feelings...on and on the list goes.
Here is my Valentine’s Day suggestions to write on that card.
Actually make a list of all the reasons and qualities you love then for.
Write the lyrics of a song that reminds you of them.
Send that loved-one the song as a message.
Text lover all day with simple words that all add up to a romantic encounter "Tonight...." pause for a few minutes..."I want ...."
Or text lover with a menu of the dish you might be serving.
And for my shy friends, do what my girlfriend is going to do. She is sending him a card and beginning with the following words "Honey, I found this on the internet in a sex and love blog, and I thought it would be the best gift we could give each other. So read this and tell me what you think:
Happy Valentines form your Sex and Love Fairy Godmother. Here is a special recipe for a great night. Give this to your lover!
1. Let's take a bath. Please open a bottle of wine and light a candle.
2. Let's sit face to face and let's tell each other what we love about each other. (Tonight it is only about the two of you- no other's, no erotica, no sex toys, it is only the two of you.) We have to come up with at least 10 qualities or memories.
2. Now we need to kiss for five minutes, gentle, no tongues.
3. Now we need to kiss for another five minutes, no rules.
3. Stop.
4. Now we tell each other something that we have never shared before:
* Tell me one fantasy that you have had about me and I will tell you one I have had about you.
*Tell me one thing you would really find pleasurable that I can do, that involves me that you have not told me before. I will share the same with you.
* Show me, by taking my hands or describing exactly one thing I can do to give you pleasure - and in return I will show you or teach you something that can give me pleasure.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
How did you learn about sex? A 1960's Sex Education Lecture
When I was about 11 years old, I rode my bike to my friend Linda Scalotta's house to play with our ‘Barbie dolls’. She was a whole two years older. She said to me, “Come in my brother Nicky’s room and look what I found under his bed." I knew my bother kept his GI Joe's there, then again, Nicky was 23 and my bother was 9. She pulled a pile of magazines from under the bed and placed them on the chenille bedspread. She opened one up. I saw something so strange. It was a grown man and he was wearing a mask on his private parts, it had a horrible long pink nose, and hair all around it! To this day I can't get myself to look at those Marx brother phony noses that hood up to the eye glasses. I was confused, actually I may have been in shock.
Of course, Linda explained. I was horrified and imagine my contorted face; Linda began to tell me what I was really looking at. "That’s not true," I yelled furiously yelled "That’s not true." Now, I insisted. " I have seen my bother every night in the tub and he doesn’t have one of those things!"
She replied that “that’s what your parents do!” I attacked her like a vicious dog. “My parents don’t do anything like this,” I screamed. I remember peddling my bike furiously home, running in screaming to my mother, who then told me "it was all true."
“Don’t you remember the book I gave you called The Gift of Life?" She asked. I searched my memory. Cartoon pictures. First page, a girl with hair under her arms, a boy shaving. Page two; they meet. By page five they were standing at the altar. By page 6 they kissed at the altar. Page seven; I recalled a magnifying, the kind you got in the science kit. In the lens was a tadpole-like thing, it was being met by something else. Oh yes, it was a seed. Of course I knew it. You grow hair under your arms and meet a boy who shaves. You get married. As you kiss him at the altar a tadpole swims out of his mouth and you swallow it. It would look for the seed to eat. Hence, page nine told it all; she had a baby growing in her tummy and the baby came out. I assumed of the belly button. The book never said. But I had caught enough tadpoles in the yard to know exactly where they came from. I thought of all the neighborhood boys who had jars of swimming tadpoles on in the bedrooms. It all made perfect sense to me. Then it was all ruined.
My mother continued with the rest of the story. I recall hearing only the words penis, erection and pain. Her warning came in the form of a secret; if you had sex a man's penis could get stuck in your vagina, just like what happened with the neighbors dogs. My mind raced back to the event between FiFi and King; the Smith's poodle and the Herbacks German Shepard. My mother told me they had to hose the animals down to pull them apart.
She peered into my face, eyes bulging, “Don’t ever do this until you are married --no no matter what!” The "what" part hissed out then snapped, so I knew she was serious. Of course I would never do this terrible thing. I immediately knew my mother and I were on the same page. If the hideousness of the act itself didn't repulse me, the consequences did. My mind took me to the scene: First I conjured up the scene, yelling for help, someone would have to pull the fire alarm on the corner. I'd hear sirens, lots of them. Just like when my mother caught the kitchen on fire making french fries, the entire fire department would come. They had hoses. If that didn't work, I imagined myself on a stretcher, some boy stuck inside me, being taken to the hospital, and then being detached. I had no problem making the promise.
“Never, never even when I am married, will I ever do this terrible thing!” Then, she made me make a second promise; “whatever you do never tell anyone about this, because if their parents find out you will never be able to play with them again.”
I violated promise number one 9 years later. It took only 3 hours to tell my best friend Joyce the secret I had just learned about!
Have any funny tales? Did you think you grew in a cabbage patch, the stork brought you, or were you bought at the Walmart?
Of course, Linda explained. I was horrified and imagine my contorted face; Linda began to tell me what I was really looking at. "That’s not true," I yelled furiously yelled "That’s not true." Now, I insisted. " I have seen my bother every night in the tub and he doesn’t have one of those things!"
She replied that “that’s what your parents do!” I attacked her like a vicious dog. “My parents don’t do anything like this,” I screamed. I remember peddling my bike furiously home, running in screaming to my mother, who then told me "it was all true."
“Don’t you remember the book I gave you called The Gift of Life?" She asked. I searched my memory. Cartoon pictures. First page, a girl with hair under her arms, a boy shaving. Page two; they meet. By page five they were standing at the altar. By page 6 they kissed at the altar. Page seven; I recalled a magnifying, the kind you got in the science kit. In the lens was a tadpole-like thing, it was being met by something else. Oh yes, it was a seed. Of course I knew it. You grow hair under your arms and meet a boy who shaves. You get married. As you kiss him at the altar a tadpole swims out of his mouth and you swallow it. It would look for the seed to eat. Hence, page nine told it all; she had a baby growing in her tummy and the baby came out. I assumed of the belly button. The book never said. But I had caught enough tadpoles in the yard to know exactly where they came from. I thought of all the neighborhood boys who had jars of swimming tadpoles on in the bedrooms. It all made perfect sense to me. Then it was all ruined.
My mother continued with the rest of the story. I recall hearing only the words penis, erection and pain. Her warning came in the form of a secret; if you had sex a man's penis could get stuck in your vagina, just like what happened with the neighbors dogs. My mind raced back to the event between FiFi and King; the Smith's poodle and the Herbacks German Shepard. My mother told me they had to hose the animals down to pull them apart.
She peered into my face, eyes bulging, “Don’t ever do this until you are married --no no matter what!” The "what" part hissed out then snapped, so I knew she was serious. Of course I would never do this terrible thing. I immediately knew my mother and I were on the same page. If the hideousness of the act itself didn't repulse me, the consequences did. My mind took me to the scene: First I conjured up the scene, yelling for help, someone would have to pull the fire alarm on the corner. I'd hear sirens, lots of them. Just like when my mother caught the kitchen on fire making french fries, the entire fire department would come. They had hoses. If that didn't work, I imagined myself on a stretcher, some boy stuck inside me, being taken to the hospital, and then being detached. I had no problem making the promise.
“Never, never even when I am married, will I ever do this terrible thing!” Then, she made me make a second promise; “whatever you do never tell anyone about this, because if their parents find out you will never be able to play with them again.”
I violated promise number one 9 years later. It took only 3 hours to tell my best friend Joyce the secret I had just learned about!
Have any funny tales? Did you think you grew in a cabbage patch, the stork brought you, or were you bought at the Walmart?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sex Education
What do you know and from whom do you know it? Most new adults do not want to hear about sex from parents, religious figures or even experts, like me. You prefer, at your own rate to discover the area, using the information that comes your way. That, I might add is hardly reliable. Do you know that about 90% of you learned about sex from someone other than your parent? A sister, brother or friend told you the facts of life. One of the most important areas of your life may have been learned from your Cousin Vinny. If your parents did manage to reach you in time did you bolster that knowledge through scientific reading or inquiry. Of course you didn’t.
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