Sex and Love 100

Musings on the most basic life skill . . .

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Getting Over Love Lost- Philip of the Past

     Nothing is worse than finding your partner interested in someone else  person except for finding them in bed with another.  It happened to me.  It was about thirty years ago and we were in the early start of a college relationship when I just dropped by his apartment …the door open so I walked in.  Literally- to him in the sack with some girl who wouldn’t come out from under the blankets.  He jumped up and his skinny naked ass tried to follow me out the door as I fled.  I only remember the incredible beating of my own heart.  He was going off to grad school and I ignored his calls for the next few weeks.  I never spoke to him again, ripped up his letters and actually sent them in sheds back to his grad dorm in Chicago.  I was crushed, doing what most people do – cried and played songs that made me cry more.  I  wrote poetry ’’You’re the band aid seeped in the blood of a scab, stuck on my flesh, should I rip you off or let you peel away with time?”
     It got better, obviously, and I gave up on the poetry thing.  It was some twenty years later and guess what happened?  He finds me on Facebook.  I see his name in the message.  It summoned up the word asshole.  Yes, I hated his name.  If I met you and your name was Philip, you were doomed.  I was always thankful it was not a common name. His opening words were a combination of how I had not changed a bit in all those years and his wife was aware he was writing to me.  He wanted to apologize!  He wrote:
     “I can’t tell you how terrible I felt for doing that to you all those years ago.  My only excuse was that I was young and foolish.  Packing to move distracted me but for months after I was hurting.  If I never told you before I will tell you now that I loved you and you still have a special place in my heart.  I took that lesson to my other relationships and when I met my wife and committed to her I guaranteed her that I would not stray.  So I told her what happened with us.  My purpose in writing is to tell you that I was totally and absolutely wrong and I hope you have forgiven me.  I saw the pictures of your family and see that you look happy…”
      I thanked him for his message.  In retrospect I learned a lesson too.  Don’t give away anything you’ll regret unless you are sure that you can afford to lose it.  I kept my heart closed off a little more and made sure I could rely on who I loved before I gave anything.  I thought of what the experience did to me.  I would not have found my David’s reliability, the pencil protector in his top pocket and the fact he called his mother each day so charming if I had not been burned.  I learned to smell for smoke.  In the end the hurt shaped the person I would become.  That is the way of life. 
     I showed David the message and we spoke about it that night.   We talked about all the bodies we left in our past through our actions and the hurts and disappointments we experienced.  The moral is this; hurts can sharpen, define and change us for the better.  A student told me in class ‘once a cheat, always a cheat…’ 
     Not so.  He was a silly young man, still finding his way and I was a silly young woman- I didn’t even allow him to explain, to bargain, to beg and I discarded him like a fly I swatted.  In retrospect we might have been able to work past it.  But we didn’t.  He’s in the South now happily married.  I see them in the photo smiling happily with their son posed between them.  Suddenly I realized that the sound of that name, Philip, didn’t feel so terrible to my ears.  Thank you Philip, for the apology and a lesson in forgiveness.  Dr. Dawn Marlena Hopper

46 comments:

  1. I find it really hard to forgive someone who stabs you in the back like that. I was just in this type of situation recently. My significant other broke up with me because they didn’t want to be in a long term relationship when she went away to college next year” Then a couple of days later I found out they were dating again. Then as time went on I found out more and more about how they were planning this out. I was feeling this pain for a long time and in some ways still do. Moving on from this kind of lying and betrayal has been very difficult for me. But after reading this I hope to learn to forgive them.

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  2. I do not think there is a person alive who has not been hurt. My expertise is in being old enough to tell you that fact and someday you will see that things will work out for the better. I married a wonderful man that had been left with two small children -at the time he was crushed. Our wounds healed. It takes time... By the way after I wrote this post we sat in each others arms and laughted together - knowing we had found and appreciated one another for that very fact, that we were jilted, screwed over, rejected or whatever you want to call it.

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  3. One of the best ways or should I say the only way to get over someone is to cut off all communication. I did that when I found my ex-boyfriend cheating on me. I deleted his telephone number, rejected his attempts to meet up, screened my phone calls and cut ties with him completely. I moved out of my hometown and I'm now currently in Albany..two years later. I truly believe that moving away and cutting my ties with him was the only way that I got over that cheating SOB. He's tried to apologize to me, but its always followed with an attempt to get back together or go out - only problem with all of that is that he's dating another girl! I guess its the age, maybe he'll change when he's older. Who knows, I'm just glad I got out of that relationship.

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  4. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hurt you are in the future you are going to come out stronger, and happier and you will forgive them. I have been through so much and i look at it all as blessings because of the insight i have from it. Hopefully you'll find a great person that would never do that to you, and you will know exactly why you had to go through this, to get to something better.

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  5. I heard this happen plenty of time.But I used to believe once a cheater always a cheater and the whole a leopard doesnt change its spot. I know people can change but part of me always feels like theres always gonna be apart of them that wants to cheat and not stay commited to the relationship.

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  6. I thinks someone who has cheated is more likely to cheat agian because its in their mindset. but anyonee with a conscience, who was caught cheating and has seen how much they have hurt their significant other, would not cheat again. People make mistakes and no matter how wrong they are they have to learn through experience.

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  7. That was a nice story :) I kinda had this happen to me... It wasn't that like that terrible though. I started to really like this boy and we even went to the movies!! and he held my hand! I felt like woot! but then like down the road I found out he like this other girl.. and they started dating and my heart was pretty much in a hole ..it hurt! and they broke up around Christmas and we started talking again, but I told him that i wasn't ready to do anything considering he broke my heart. He told me what he was thinking when he did that and I saw where he was coming from and he changed and I liked him again, and now we're dating and we've been dating for 3 years :) I think when someone cheats on you maybe give it awhile and let them apologize if anything just become friends. When I think about it, if I did something wrong to someone and explained and apologized from my heart and they still didn't forgive me, I would feel like poop. So its helpful to look through glasses from a different perspective, like you said in PSYC CLASS!!!! with the nun and the "F me" thing.

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  8. I do believe with every bit of me that hurt even though it hurts like hell is a good thing. Now, when i am hurt you wont catch me saying this i will be crying and bitching. Eventually i get past that and look back and see that i would not be where i am in life if i had not experienced pain. This applies to me relationships and my life. Though i am still scared in my heart and this prevents me still from being able to trust but I'm working on
    that.What I could sit here and cry about all the shit i have been through in my life but first of all it would not do any good second of all it is that shit that has gotten me sober from heroin for over a year now,enrolled in college, and regain custody of my children. Nobody likes to feel hurt of anguish but it shapes who we become in life, what partners we will pick and what beliefs systems we will develop even down to what career we will have. I thank the judge for putting me in jail, my job for firing me, my mother for taking my children away, and my landlord foe evicting me...

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  9. Marilyn Monroe once said, “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Maybe if Philip wouldn't have cheated on you then you would never had found your wonderful husband David. Philip cheating on you has made you a stronger person and led you to better things. But forgiveness is never easy!

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  10. Forgiving someone after they have hurt your feelings is one of the worst things to go through.it takes a while to get over.im a person that gives my all in a relationship so when it backfires all I can think about is what did I do wrong?what did I do to deserve my heart to get broken?after a few bad relationships gone wrong I decided its not me its got to be the guy.my ex of 3years still calls me randomly and we have been broken up for about a year and a half.i was devistated when he left but I figured let him go...im sure the next girl wont put up with as much b.s. as I did.when he pproved me right,asking me for another chance, I was like you must be out of your damn mind!im still not really sure how I got over it.maybe time played a big part in it.
    As far as once a cheat always a cheat goes...i believe that someone wil cheat as long a their partner aallows it to happen.giving another chance should not be an option in my book.if I am not satisfying you enoug then you need to be able to tell me.

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  11. The spring of my senior year, I began my first real relationship with a great guy. Graduation came, I moved away while he finished his senior year. The long distance relationship seemed to be working and marriage came up. We began planning a wedding, when BOOM!! He started pulling back claiming a heavy course load. Next thing I know, a phone call came ending everything. I was shocked and devastated, unsure why this had happened. I moved back to the area and he came to explain. Seems a woman he'd meet freshman year and had been friendly with, split with her fiance and the whole "grass is greener" syndrome took over. He split with me, got together with her (for a whole 2 months), she dropped him and he tried to get back together with me. It took 4 months for him to realize it was a no-go.
    Though this experience hurt greatly, over time it helped me determine what I didn't want in a relationship. Periodically I wonder what might have been....but not too much.

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  12. This really gave me a 2nd look to cheating. 1 of my parents cheated on another and I still feel terrible about it to this day. However, your experience opened my mind about the topic. Maybe someday I can forgive them for doing so but until then who knows.

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  13. I don't agree that once a cheat, always a cheat. I do though agree that being young and naieve people make mistakes. Whether you were the one wronged or the one who made the mistake there is always a lesson to be learned. I know I can be stubborn and sometimes this makes it so that my lessons are learned the hard way. Also being young myself I know that I often think I know myself and I know what's right for me when in fact I have a long way to go and much to learn. That being said young people often jump into relationships when they aren't ready. As a result often they find themselves having second thoughts and doubts which can be why they cheat; simply because a lack of life experience they don't know who they are and what they want yet. So in the case of Philip he clearly wasn't a terrible, cruel boy but in fact just a BOY. Young, inexperienced and not knowing his real needs fooled around thinking he was fulfilling them. Based on Philip's apology he seems like a well rounded, caring person and he seems happy in his life with his family. Who knows if his lesson would have been as meaningful and profound to him if he had not learned it the hard way. I'm still young and have so much to learn, but of what I have learned thus far I know some of the most important lessons I've learned were the hardest most painful ones at times. On the other hand too I've had to learn patience, forgiveness and humility through being hurt and wronged by others. I am much more apt to be understanding when someone else faults me because I have made my own mistakes and certainly learned from them.

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  14. I had something similar happen to me when I was younger. A boy I dated for three years cheated on me. A couple of years later, we were in colleges close to each other and we ran into one another. He apologized and our friendship re-developed. He was someone who had really broken my heart and I had not gotten over. After a few months, he wanted to start dating again. It was like a magic switch, I was over him as soon as that statement was out of his mouth. It was almost as though I needed that admission (that he still liked me) to heal myself.

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  15. i think its ok to be sad and depressed for a little while. but eventually you have to forgive and move on.

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  16. I agree with you. I dont believe that once a cheater always a cheater especially with teenagers. We are young and stupid at times and we make mistakes.There are always those people who cant seem to let go of the teenage life style however i think most people will realize its time to grow up at some point.

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  17. I completely agree with the way that you handled the situation. Everybody has a complete right to be mad after a situation, and when the problem comes back to you as it did, you knew to handle it in a much more mature way. It’s hard to accept somebody back into your life that had been such a huge symbol for a pain and misery. I know in my life, it is one of the hardest things to do. I don’t get angry very often, but sometimes, it’s healthier to swallow my pride and accept their apology and welcome them back into my life. I used to wear a bracelet that read “גם זה יעבור,” (hebrew: Gam Zeh Ya’avor), which means “This Too Shall Pass.” I reminded me that the problems in my life are temporary and aren’t the end of the world. In many cases, my problems actually led to a positive result, or I was at least able to scavenge a little bit of light out of the darkness.
    Also, there is something to be said for Philip. Even though he made a stupid mistake when he was younger, it still must have taken a lot for him to summon up the strength to apologize all those years later. When you’re on the receiving side of something like that, it’s easy to forget that this situation isn’t easy for him either.

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  18. I recently found out after being married for over ten years that my husband had an on going affair with a woman five years ago. I am angry and hurt beyond belief and to be honest I thought about revenge (which there are still days I do) but that would make me no better then him. We are currently in counseling and there are days I love him very much and look forward to spending the day with him. But there are other that I look at him and physically hate him I can't look at him. I am not sure we will make it through this I am not sure most days I want to, but I do know he loves me and I know anything is worth a try. No matter what the outcome for me is I know in my heart that it's what's going to make me happy in the long run. Do I think once a cheat always a cheat? Absolutely right now it's all I think about.

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  19. I would have done the same hing you did if i found out my boyfriend cheated.Honestly i cant say i know how you felt i never been cheated on but i can just imagine how much it hurted.In college i do think that you are to young to be so serious in a relationship. cuoung college students are still trying to found themselves. so foolish and stupid things will tend to happen.

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  20. Something like this happened to someone in my family, but she broke up with my dad by text. My dad's old girlfriend was with him ever sence he got divorced from my mom. my dad was sad for a couple months but he then said that he needed a new girlfriend. this happened two and a half years ago and now he is happier with his new girlfriend now but i know he still misses his old girlfriend.

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  21. I choose to see the glass half full and believe that people can change and grow and learn from mistakes they make. Just at the one hurt and grow and learn from the wrongs done to them.

    Like Angela Jones, I too am struggling to see my husband of 31 years without feeling sick to my stomach when I remember what he has done and who it was with. It took months but now I sometimes go a week without thinking about it. But it does pop it's head in now and then and ruins my day.

    It's funny you hates the name Philip as he was the one that wronged you, I hate the name Tricia because she is the one my husband fooled around with. I think I'd rather hate her than him.

    Of course I do NOT hate either of them, in fact I am working on forgiving and forgetting on a daily basis. There was a time I did though.

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  22. I think we all experienced some sort of “cheating” at some point, depending on what you consider cheating. I have felt that pain before. I do believe in forgiveness but believe that should only be given if there is a sincere knowledge by the cheater of their wrongdoing. Usually, they will be cheated on and that is when they feel your pain! I think it is nice that after all this time, he apologized to you. I think you strong relationship at home is what helped your reaction to his message, the reaction that it was. It may have been different if years hadn’t passed and life hadn’t turned the way it did! Now that he has a wife and love, he probably has thought about the chance of it happening to him…maybe he he needed to get closure.

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  23. Yep Dr. Hopper, me too. Same thing, about 20 years ago, different place and time. But you know what was so different from your experience? My cheater and I lived together. I could not run away because it was my home and their was no where else for me to run to. So, I learned my lesson of forgiveness a bit faster than you. We remained living together but separated for 6 months. He had his fling and eventually I caught my own fish. After about 6 months (and he and his chicky, and I and my fish weren't all hot and heavy so much anymore) he looked at me and said, "What the hell are we doing? I love you and I know you love me. Let's ditch these "wild oats", forgive and forget and try and make another go at it." We both felt relieved to leave it behind and move forward together. That was the worst 6 months of our 28 year (to date) exsistence.

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  24. It's true though. You learn more when your hurt then your happy. I have a had a lot of heartbreaks in my life, through relationship with girls, my friends and my family. As much as I hate to admit it, I have become a better person because of all the times I have been hurt. It's terrible for yourself to learn that way, but sometimes it's the only way and works. It makes you stronger and have experience so you don't fall for the same thing twice in your life. I don't believe "once a cheat, always a cheat" because I believe people can change and change for the better. It just takes the wrong choices to learn from them to make you into a better person.

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  25. It's tough to recover from a moment like that, a moment where you are overloaded with emotion and nothing can truly prepare you for how to react to it. Everybody hurts, especially when you feel you have been betrayed of your trust, loyalty and honesty. Everybody also heals differently but in the end i believe we all come to terms with our past and we learn to either forget or forgive. Otherwise we are simply lingering in the past and we can never truly learn from our experience and move on.

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  26. I think its true when you said that these situations can shape us into how we are today. In the past i was always attracted to girls who would do this to me. Many of them were my friends at one point and though for most people they dont talk to the other anymore but i like to eventually remain friends with them and there hasnt been any awkwardness. I guess i just have an easier time forgiving

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  27. As I grow older, I am just learning how to truly forgive. I have had similar situations in my life that have only shaped me into who I am today. At first your angry and you curse that person for the rest of eternity, and then after a few years pass and you have moved on, that anger and aggravation goes away because you realize it was just another speed-bump in the road to where your life is going.

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  28. i still do think that once a cheat always a cheat.and if that isnt correct, then once a cheat, always a cheat when intoxicated. i would never wish for that pain on a person, but i think that it is a good way to learn and learn how to judge people. this is a good blog

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  29. My problem with these types of situations is that I forgive people way too easily. In my one of my past relationships I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, I never caught him in the act but I found messages from this other girl and he eventually admitted to it. After a lot of crying and fighting, i forgave him. And then he did it again. You made some very good points in this blog.

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  30. I think that is the hardest part of losing someone you truly love, to see them be happy with someone else. Im going thru a breakup right now and dont even wanna think about her with another guy. Doing things we said we'd only do with each other, laughing, kissing, going out on dates. Its tough to imagine but you have to think that there is someone even better for you out there, even though at first its very hard to believe that there is.

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  31. idk personally if someone tells me they love me i would think they would do everything in there power to stay loyal, I was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years and during the whole relationship she played me, now me on the other hand loved her and i wouldn't even think about looking at another girl let alone cheat. People throw around the word now a days like its nothing, its meaningless now..

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  32. This is an incredible blog. I personally struggle with things like this having been the victim of the same thing but seeing that there may be hope of forgiveness after all is a great light at the end of that tunnel--so to speak.

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  33. I believe this rule applies to all relationships, especially friendships. We always take people for granted and the next day they may not be there. In the heat of the situation we may act without thinking but there are reasons our body reacted the way it did. The people that are in your past; well there is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

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  34. thats actually pretty true, hurt and pain can mold us into good things

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  35. I believe this rule applies to all relationships, especially friendships. We always take people for granted and the next day they may not be there. In the heat of the situation we may act without thinking but there are reasons our body reacted the way it did. The people that are in your past; well there is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

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  36. I'm pretty sure that everyone can agree that everyone has had some rough patches in their lives that include losing people you once loved very much. It's extremely hard to trust people, and once you do its even more hard to not get attached emotionally. I think that most people want to find the " perfect " relationship, well i mean doesn't everyone? Sometimes i feel like people are willing to throw their hearts to the first person who gives them the least bit of attention, without thinking about the consequences, its human nature, you're lonely and you just want to feel special about yourself, and someone brightens your day and you feel different, you can only seem to think about that person, and the more you talk to them, and spend time with them, the more you picture yourself with them for as long as they'd allow and like you to be with them. I don't think its the smartest decision to jump into a relationship with someone you don't completely know, mainly because there are always going to be more questions than answers in the back of your mind. Get to know someone, even a friend, most great relationships start out as people being best friends even, get to know them inside and out, and if you start to feel over time that you really do have feelings for this person and you feel like it could have the potential to go somewhere, then see where it goes, if it doesn't work out, then there are plenty of other people in this world, don't think that just because it doesn't work out with one that you're going to be alone forever, because everyone's been in that position and felt that way, but time does heal most things, and especially broken heart. You can't find the right person for you if you don't let go of the wrong one.

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  37. I used to believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater," but I don't believe it is true anymore. Like you said in your blog he said he was young and foolish and well people make mistakes. People can change though, I had a boyfriend in the past who had cheated on his ex-girlfriend, yet he never cheated on me. I think people can learn from what they have done in the past and if they care enough then they will make better choices.

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  38. My first husband cheated on me and that devasted me. It also did indeed define me. I was no longer that easy going, willing to trust so easily young woman. I still remember the emotional pain I suffered, and it was about 20 years ago. I'm not sure I could ever forgive him for the betrayal, but he is not like your Phillip, he did not go on to be a productive person. He turned out to be the LOSER he was when he cheated.

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  39. Do I relate to this post! Music has healed me from a broken heart more effectively than any other means. I think it is so important to give oneself enough healing time following such an experience. I feel sad for women who have been hurt in this way and it sometimes shows in their demeanor/faces. I think like most life experiences one can grow stronger/wiser or one can become stuck/lost in this type of pain. Life is so short and no one should allow someone to take away what I consider to be the most important gift in this world, the ability to love and to be loved.
    E.L.

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  40. You did something very respectable and that is move on. I think it's important to know what you deserve and it's terrible when some body hurts you like that. I can relate and it is honestly the worst feeling. Music, without a doubt, helps to heal and it makes you feel better in a way. It is impressive that you didn't look back. It shows you have self-resect and know it is important to have pride. It's true, in the end you always find better.

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  41. Oh, to have heard Philip's apology to you standing there butt naked if you had not fled and then returning to the girl under the blankets and apologizing to her for you walking in on them.
    Most people don't realize how much their actions cause pain in others. They think a sudden apology will just seem like nothing happened. In the end, it's good to know from his message to you that he thought long and hard about his actions and kept what he did in mind as he went into other relationships. It's also good that it only took him the one mistake and not countless others to grow wiser from.
    I married young, thinking that I knew everything. The marriage last only 3 years (plus another year of separation for the divorce) and He had walked about multiple times before then though. Aside from the image embedded in my mind, I would have much rather preferred I caught him in bed with someone sooner than living 2 years with him and finding it was all based on a lie. Connivence and image it was to him instead of love and honesty. He had been cheating on and off with someone from his past. My world turned upside down after. But I needed to learn to live for myself and not my past.
    When I met the man I am happily married to I felt more alive than ever! I paid close attention to his actions and character. Every little thing he did that made him who he was meant so much more as well because of having been so badly hurt. The first time he kissed me on the forehead I called my mom and friends and felt like I was a young teen all over again!
    My ex and I did find each other on Fcaebook too, 4 years after our divorce. We only sent one message each to each other and that was all that needed to be done. There will be no further communication between us. He lives his own life and I live mine. We gave our apologizes and said we were happy now. We closed the chapter that needed to end.
    Forgiveness is closure for our own self especially and it needs to happen. Which is why I think Philip wanted to send you an apology even after so long. One is better way late than never at all.
    Some question what if I had just found a way to work it out? I tried but he was long gone from our relationship. You can't question what if, if only... I know if it didn't happen the way it did I would have missed the man who I am soo in love with today! Things happen in life and we must grow from them. We can't ridicule someone's choices of whether he or she stays or leaves the one who has cheated on them. It's only that person's heart and trust that was demolished so it is in his or her hands on what will be the choices for recovery.

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  42. I, too, have been cheated on and I was very sad for a long, long time until I had some time alone to myself and was able to learn and grow for my own self, for once! I had spent years with this boy, (yes, a 23 year old BOY) and invested so much of myself and my heart in our relationship. I felt I was strong enough the first time he cheated on me to forgive him and bear the confidence that he would never hurt me like that again. But, he did, a few more times. I was devistated. Until I finally got him out of my life and realized I was better with out him, I then was able to begin healing. I thought it was funny when you said anyone with the name "Phillip" was doomed, because in my case too, if your name is Christian, I'm sorry, I already get nervous speaking to you just because your first name haunts my past. A student saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," I don't know about that.... I like to believe in that, however, I have had some friends who have cheated once, and only once, learning their lesson the first and last time. Cheating is so hurtful and unnecessary. I know, and have experienced, almost feeling "stuck" in a relationship, but, cheating is never the answer. A cheater needs to GROW UP and take responsability for themselves because karma is always waiting around the corner to bite them in the ass. Karma never fails.

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  43. I can really relate to this my ex left me after he finished boot camp just came home got his dog and never said another word till his new relationship was falling apart. I tried to help in turn i just made things worse yes I was now the one he was hanging around with again just as friends but the new girlfriend freaked out. I have seen him a few times since then but have stopped all communication I see his name or hear a song but five years is a lot to give up on. Its getting easier I don't jump when I see an unfamiliar number on my cell phone i just don't answer it. But I've learned that i just want the best for him what ever that may be, I've come a long way I still have a way to go but I face everyday now with everything I have.

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  44. I can respect your decision, but at the same time it seems it may have been what that man needed at the time. I always tell people when they start complaining about men and how they act that this happens, we are hardwired to think about sex and sleeping around, and it doesn't really ever go away (look at Hugh Heffner), great example of a man living in a boys dream. It must have been great to hear back the apology after so many years. Guys can change it takes a lot of time and the right poor outcomes from other events in there lives to make notable changes and even that is a stretch.

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  46. I enjoyed this blog; I would like to comment on this quote, 'A student told me in class ‘once a cheat, always a cheat…’ my father told me the same quote and also related it to stealing! I without a doubt totally agree with your past students' quote.

    A man who has cheated will always think about it and how he can get away with it or thinking what it would be like... Thankfully I have never cheated because i would never be able to understand why someone would share themselves with another person when they are in a monogamous relationship.

    Now have I turned down a relationship to seek other challenges? Absolutely! I enjoy my life inside and outside of a monogamous relationship and cant tell which one I enjoy more.

    I agree with your students previous post in that my brother is the same way. I have a twin brother (legitimate twin) who spends his free time inside different relationships cheating on every one of his girlfriends. I never completely understood it, it might actually give him a thrill to alllmost get caught! He hasnt ever been caught before... yet. Sooner or later he will and will have to rebuild but not right now.

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