Some years ago (disco days) I was sitting in a human sexuality class taught by a psychologist that thought he was an expert on the topic. It was a time when college professors actually did sleep with their students! Professor sexmachine fortified his lectures with his own powess and experiences. Aside from this rather disgusting self-disclosure I had some immediate and profound thoughts; first of which was that from his appearance I doubted there was a line of women waiting to tackle his bones. Something about tight hip- huggers which pushed out a ring of stomach flesh, the open neck shirt with neck chains tangled with profuse chest hair turned me off. But I was already a mother of two and hardly susceptible to horny older men.
On this day Professor Suave told the class that men were more sexually wired (I agree) and that they tend to have a lot more sex than women. There is a ton of evidence (see my blog) that this is so. Being older than the rest of the female's in the class and wiser I spoke up for them, "... what kind of sex are you talking about...sex alone or with a partner?"
The class chuckled. He then went into his theory which described a group of skilled men who had a virtual line of females they had sex with. No doubt he was referring to his own delusion.
That led to my next question. "If so few women are having sex, who are these guys having sex with?" Could it be that men overestimate, brag, lie and distort the amount of sex they really have and women downplay, lie or distort what they do. In other words we (women) don't always admit it. A red hue washed his face, the telltale sign of annoyance. He gained composure and went on suggesting that there is a sub-population of very loose women whose vaginas are revolving doors, servicing men because they seem to really enjoy sex!
"Oh, I get it, are you saying that they enjoy some kind of one night stand sexual interlude and they practice this over and over?"
He agreed. "They look for men with no commitment in mind for an enjoyable interlude and then go on to the next man."
"Why would women do this?"
He gained his composure and told the class this: "There are some men who happen to know how to rock a woman’s world and they reap the benefits since women tell other eager women and they then get a lot of action."
I sat silent. There are those times in your educational career, if it is as long as mine was where you need to weigh out making the challenge with the possible loss of a grade and this was one of those times- I could not harness my mouth.
"I believe you might be mistaken. Women don't run to the locker room the night after they screw some guy in the back seat and give blow by blow (no pun intended) reviews of some guys sexual performance... Second almost any woman can tell you that for women sex doesn't automatically lead to the big ‘O’– especially from a two minute pump and jump and third almost every woman in this room- whether they admit it or not- will tell you that men exaggerate."
I looked around the room for support making sure I met the eyes of any female who I thought I could count on. Heads began nodding and dialogue flowed between the females sitting close. Then he made the worst mistake of all. He asked the men in the class to provide some experiential back up. There is always one in the room- a fact I have known now for 20+ years of teaching. And there he was, confident in his prowess he was willingly to take the stage to tell the class what a great lover he is. At 18.
He began telling the class that he had been ‘rocking the world’ of many women and he had a record of producing blood curdling orgasmic screams form every woman fortunate enough to give him the chance. Well, that I was all I needed. The women in the class began to bellow in laughter. Of course he tried to argue but the more he went on with his tirade the more they laughed.
I learned a few things that day. First of all unless grading is done objectively (through a test rather than a paper- don’t attempt this.) However my inquiry into what men think about women and sex would take hold and for the next 20 years, in between of parenting 5 kids, graduate school, teaching, a therapeutic practice, I’d see it through- to the truth.
For your information, women do lie about how many sex partners they have- downplaying it and men exaggerate. The worst sex is casual one night stand sex and anyone who brags needs to be avoided. The evidence to all of this will be forthcoming ….