Sex and Love 100

Musings on the most basic life skill . . .

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Men and Sex? The Evidence...

     Consider this- women will not rape for sex nor pay for it. Do you know of any woman prowling the street corners looking for able men to have sex with them?  She needs to have her head examined. Ask any female what she would rather have- a new pair of designer shoes or a night with a good looking sexually able man.  Hands down, I know the answer.   In looking for fundamental differences between men and women researchers have found the differences staggering.  For the benefit of my more research orientated audience I’ve included some reference aids in parentheses next to the statements I deliver.    
     Come to Pornatopia! The research on men and sex is plentiful.  Excuse me, I should qualify this statement; the research is usually conducted using college students, usually freshman.  Sex drive might be considered the motivation to engage in sex and men do possess much more.  Men think about sex more than women (Oliver and Hyde, 1993).  Males experience more unwanted and intrusive sexual thoughts (Byers, Purdon, and Clark, 1998; see Baumeister, 2010) report more sexual compulsive thinking and need to control it (Vanwesenbeeck, Bekker, and van Lenning, 1998), have more spontaneous events of desire; sometimes several times a day while females report only a few times a week (Beck, Bozman, and Qualtrough,1991;  Knoth, Boyd, and Singer, 1988).  Men also report much more fantasy having over twice as many sexual fantasies per day (4.75 vs. 2.00)  than do females (Jones and Barlow 1990) and they masterbate more.   
     Young male college students seem to have more sexual fantasies about females then do females have about males, fantasize more about multiple partners, think less of commitment, will have sex after a shorter period of time than will women, will have less standards for woman they want to have short term sexual experiences with but still opt for the most attractive females, enjoy cues to promiscuity more than females, avoid females who want commitment (Schmidt 2003). Men are more permissive, have a greater acceptance of intercourse, premarital intercourse, extra marital intercourse, less sexual guilt and anxiety although the authors of this analysis did report that over time the attitudes of females is approaching those of men.  Males also appear to desire more sexual variety, desire more partners over time, engage in sex with more partners (Schmidt, 2003) and while pursuing short term liaisons will lower a standard (Buss, 1994).  Men are more willing to have sex with any level of attractiveness in a partner whereas women desire a highly attractive sexual partner. 
     Men report the desire to have sex with almost every person that is willing regardless of attractiveness or status  (Baumeister,  2010).  Research shows that men want more sex with more partners and many say they would have sex after knowing a woman for just one hour.  Even though we are no longer or mothers daughters in that we can enjoy sex without repercussions we still face our grandfathers’ biases.  Men who hump and jump usually do not form a high opinion of their partner and would hardly ever consider this female as anything but a fling (Buss and Schmidt, 1993).  And then we have the hormones!  More T (testosterone, more sex drive). According to Bruce Ellis and Donald Symons (1990) men look at porn and women read romance novels.  
     So there it is.  Men are wired to be more sexual.  Now I am going to throw two things at you that few have seen or recognized.  With all this supposed sexual energy and the drive that these researchers tell us exists, how come men fall in love and are as faithful as women and how come they are ripped apart more by jealousy than women?  
     Then there is another thing everyone has missed except for Roy Baumesiter-  It's a biggie-  Women can have sex a lot more than men.  They need an erection we can simply lay there. We are the only animal that is completely receptive, pregnant or not, ovulating or not… we can have sex a thousand times a day if we wanted to.  And I know why.  And I also know how this serves to enslave men, or our man.  If we know the rules….of sex and love.  Dr. Dawn M. Hopper   


  1. I know my boyfriend may be upset, but I feel like I should share this. He used to watch porn all the time. He stopped once he hit college, actually. And the statement about falling in love and being jealous is so true. He said that he loved me first, and is constantly jealous. I feel like jealousy shows affection. But I do have one question. Why is it that if a female does the same action as a male, we get in more trouble with our significant other? Male logic still baffles me.

  2. This is so great. I hardly ever see how couples act except for my family members (my parents, aunts and uncles, my cousins who are married and have kids) and they're all much older than I am. That's actually not true, but most of my friends who have a significant other are in same sex couples. Such being the case, I don't really know who is likely to be more jealous, no one I know admits to watching porn, I really had just sort of figured this stuff out based on what I see. This confirmed what I could pick up on from seeing almost no straight couples that are about my age.

  3. Great comments- the rules of love apply to same sex couples. There are some differences- men can be more jealous than women. One of the issues facing same sex couples is that they have virtually no role models since the public has forced them to stay closeted. Still they desire love, faithfulness and are no different than hetero's.

  4. I agree with Sarah, My husband said that he loved me first and is very jealous at times. I think its harder for men to get over things from their past, than it is for many women. Example: My husband's ex cheated on him..FIve years later im still dealing with insecurities from that experience. I have never given him a reason to mistrust me. He says he is "protecting me " but i do not see it that way. I also do not understand how men think about certain things. Men can have sex with a lot of women and it makes them "the man", but if a women has sex with alot of people they are a whore. I do not believe this makes any sense. It isnt okay for one and not the other. As for the same sex couples, I know alot of straight couples and alot of same sex couples, and each both equally have jealousy issues from what i have seen. It just depends on the people and the relationship i guess.

  5. men are more capiable of love them women are. but why is it they get so jelious but get angery whe we as women react the same way? why is it a double standard?

  6. I like the jealous idea when my husband gets jealous. I feel happy and sometimes I get jealous and he is fine with that, maybe because our relationship is not just husband and wife; it is more than that. Jealousy is part of love, but I have a friend whom her boyfriend takes jealousy with a wrong direction. Being jealous over anything, I think, is too much. There has to be a balance between jealousy and trust.