Sex and Love 100

Musings on the most basic life skill . . .

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Holding out: How long should, would, could you wait before sex?

If you are interested in a relationship,  what should your strategy be?  Hook up or Hold out?
I don't care that some chick screwed her way to monogamy, I have a masters in statistics.  After screwing hundreds of men, you are bound to get one sucker and HPV.

My new read is Dan Slater's Love in the Time of Algorithms.

It's a  fascinating journalistic look at history of on line dating with some insights into some issues. And there are issues. Big ones. Worse is that everyone seems to have an opinion.  Did I mention that my mentor was the master of the liking algorithm, Donn Byrne.  So I think I know something. Here's a hint: they don't work on line.  Most people can develop some similarity.

I have five friends miserably failing right now.  Besides having way too much choice, thinking you have so many options because there are thousands of good looking mates out there, on line daters are becoming way too choosy, choosing men and woman way out of their league. Then they fantasize about their imaginary relationship with this person through emails or chats, never realizing that this person has a list of their own of potential mates, and they also have overestimated how worthy they are.

There was a time when men married to get reliable sex.  No, I'm not bullshitting, there was a time when women didn't give it away for a wink, a flirt, a text message or a dinner.  

I have a male friend named "Don," the Don of sex.  Every Friday, when he doesn't have a date, he winks at the woman that's not so good looking but not so unattractive. He looks for a woman less attractive than he thinks he is- and desperate. "Why isn't someone as nice as you out?" he writes her.  He told me one night he never made it into the bar-she flashed her lights and they did the deed in the car. here is the worst part: Don is looking for love! He wants to find his soul mate! But with Vagina growing on trees, he's waylaid (I mean that pun) on his love journey.  He's not alone, Dan Slater exposes the issue in his book.  Dan Slater says that convenient sex discourages men form commitment and I agree. What we need id e-Date-Etiquette- or a refined set of rules for behaving.

Helen Fisher did a mini study addressing this issue and although she is paid by chemistry, her results show that women are opting out of sex early on in the relationship.  It's a smart move.

Lesson: lower your standards in on line dating and not your pants.  Match up--look for someone in your league. The Don's out there are ready to take full advantage of the desperate women

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