How to Attract and Keep a Loser . . .

I’m thinking of a series because there's just too much to write. Here's the first few you need to do to turn him off (or on) depending what you are looking for. I've gathered these hints from 20 years of experiences with kvetching women, friends and my experience as a therapist/researcher.   

You have just connected in person, on the phone, via email, or text.

1) Believe everything you see and hear. If you have met online take his profile as gospel

2) Rather than discuss politics, news events, or neutral topics (Gee, that storm last night was terrible . . .), talk about yourself—a lot. Tell him how great you are, how many men you have put in your slush pile, how valuable you are as a partner, and make sure to reveal all your requirements in a potential mate, sprinkled through your conversation.

“Family is sooo important to me.”

Now that you’ve told him what he needs to do to jump your bones, make sure you tell him how your ex failed, so he can avoid doing those things.

“My ex was a terrible parent.”

3) Don’t ask him anything about himself, where he works, how long he’s worked there, where he was born . . . .Don’t ask the questions that might give you a hint that you’re sitting across from a psychopath, sex addict, liar, or loser.

4) Allow him to text, or email most of your early pseudo conversations, rather than meet in person.

5) Don’t check him out. Don’t run to Facebook, Google his name, go to his employers website, check out his address (where you might find a ramshackle mobile home, a wife, kids, or foreclosure notice on the front door).

6) Daydream. Create all kinds of positive scenarios, because you know he’s prefect.

7) Disregard everything your friends tell you. What do they know?

TEXTING a Break up- Oh Please Give Me a Hydro, My Head is Splitting- Thank You Quinn Woodward Pu

Could someone please mail me a hydrocodone,

I have a splitting headache.

For the past month I’ve been preoccupied with my friend, SUZY’s break-up. Almost a year, after she rubbed the gloss off Mr. X, I’m a athlete (as long as it doesn’t cast money), into Zen (come and let us feel each other), I have a dick that never stops (I take Viagra because my prostrate is not working), entrepreneur (I’m chronically unemployed), and feminist (I’m into splitting the check and three-somes).  It was a yearlong, and YES SHE TEXTED her displeasure and need to break-up. They met, and she delivered the final blow. Cruel? For texting?  Considering their relationship was ½ texts, I think not. At least she had the courage to face him at Panera (while he ate and never offered her even a cup of coffee).

Speaking about breaking up via a text . . .

Bethany featured Could someone please mail me a hydrocodone,

I have a splitting headache.

For the past month I’ve been preoccupied with my friend, SUZY’s break-up. Almost a year, after she rubbed the gloss off Mr. X, I’m a athlete (as long as it doesn’t cast money), into Zen (come and let us feel each other), I have a dick that never stops (I take Viagra because my prostrate isn’t working), entrepreneur (I’m chronically unemployed), and feminist (I’m into splitting the check and three-somes).  It was a yearlong, and YES SHE TEXTED her displeasure and need to break-up. They met, and she delivered the final blow. Cruel? For texting?  Considering their relationship was ½ texts, I think not. At least she had the courage to face him at Panera (while he ate and never offered her even a cup of coffee).

Speaking about breaking up via a text . . .

Bethany featured Quin Woodward Pu, a 26-year-old writer who kvetched –via her blog- Little Black Blog-about his break-up via text. Now Ms. Pu, you made a stink on national TV, I am sure it added revenue to your blog and career as a memoire writer but you certainly gave me pause (adding to my headache) because you are a self-centered, egoistical, prima-donna, who could not take a little rejection. Actually, rejection is too big a word. He was just not that interested in you. Get over it- it was two dates, and no sex (at least that is what you say).  

However, after hearing you describe yourself as the kind of woman who gets a lot of attention from a lot of men, I’m sure the word rejection is not in your vocabulary.

GROW UP Ms. PU!

It was not a break-up! A break up results after a serious run of dates! My daughter, your age, Emily, says a break-up occurs after a commitment of monogamy and emotional commitment occurs between two people.

Are you nuts? “He was friendly enough, but annoyingly and sloppily drunk, which is why I offered my email address when he asked for my number.”

The day I’d offer my number to a drunken slob at a bar is the day someone needs to hit me in the head with a 2 x 4. They had a date, which turned dinner and champagne. “I kinda have chemistry with pretty much everyone, because I really like talking to people and winning over complete strangers.”

Are you kidding? Well that’s your problem. Normal people don’t think they have chemistry with everyone nor do they begin a conversation to win other people over. They consider sharing, enjoying debate, learning about another person.

If you take Ms. PU’s advice you need to have your head examined. Suzy had the same mantra- winning them over. That game plan bypasses authenticity. Mr. X, a creep, sought out all the things she needed in a mate; a good substitute father, sex, and intelligence. He had the smarts to placate her kids, eat her food, and take her money.

It is hard to be rejected.  But two dates? Please send me that hydrocodone. My head is beating . . .  a 26-year-old writer who kvetched –via her blog- Little Black Blog-about his break-up via text. Now Ms. Pu, you made a stink on national TV, I am sure it added revenue to your blog and career as a memoir writer but you certainly gave me pause (adding to my headache) because you are a self-centered, egoistical, prima-donna, who could not take a little rejection. Actually, rejection is too big a word. He was just not that interested in you. Get over it- it was two dates, and no sex (at least that is what you say).  

However, after hearing you describe yourself as the kind of woman who gets a lot of attention from a lot of men, I’m sure the word rejection is not in your vocabulary.

GROW UP Ms. PU!

It was not a break-up! A break up results after a serious run of dates! My daughter, your age, Emily, says a break-up occurs after a commitment of monogamy and emotional commitment occurs between two people.

Are you nuts? “He was friendly enough, but annoyingly and sloppily drunk, which is why I offered my email address when he asked for my number.”

The day I’d offer my number to a drunken slob at a bar is the day someone needs to hit me in the head with a 2 x 4. They had a date, which turned dinner and champagne. “I kinda have chemistry with pretty much everyone, because I really like talking to people and winning over complete strangers.”

Are you kidding? Well that’s your problem. Normal people don’t think they have chemistry with everyone nor do they begin a conversation to win other people over. They consider sharing, enjoying debate, learning about another person.

If you take Ms. PU’s advice you need to have your head examined. Suzy had the same mantra- winning them over. That game plan bypasses authenticity. Mr. X, a creep, sought out all the things she needed in a mate; a good substitute father, sex, and intelligence. He had the smarts to placate her kids, eat her food, and take her money.

It is hard to be rejected.  But two dates? Please send me that hydrocodone. My head is beating . . .